Sorry all for not updating for so long, but I do have an excuse.
There were a couple of dates so nondescript that I’ve pretty much forgotten them and so won’t be blogging them. So lets skip dates 7 and 8.
So, Date No 9.. let’s call him Fucknarsewipeguttertrawlingpigman (I knew there was a reason I didn’t use an “F” name on Date No.6) was fantastic. He looked like his profile pics (which I needed a password to see), he was someone I found attractive, but not everyone would, he was funny, attentive, disarmingly not perfect. So I figured he was perfect.
Therefore, I wrote him off as Not Possibly Interested In Me. By that I mean I went home desperately trying not to hope he would call, assuming he wouldn’t and urgently trying not to think about him whilst all the time sneakily thinking about him when I thought I wouldn’t notice.
An agonising three days later he rang and suggested we go out to dinner. He picked a restaurant about a zillion miles away from where I live. It was a cute little place, but I wouldn’t have picked it as worth driving 40 minutes for. The date was though and four hours later, toey as hell, I heard Kate’s copy of The Rules exploding as I agreed to a private nightcap. I was a wee bit surprised when he suggested my place, being so far away, but he said his place was no closer so why he picked that restaurant was a mystery.
Anyway, I’m not going to give you any gory details, but suffice to say I let his snake run amok in my ladygarden that night and then just about every night for the next couple of weeks. Always at my place. And a couple of times he had to cancel suddenly. But the laughs we had when we were together were just fabulous.
See all those flashing neon warning signs up above? You’d have to be some sort of moron to miss them right? Meet Patty the Plain Plump Moron.
There’s a good reason I’ve been ignoring the blog for the last six weeks or so. I thought I’d found someone and desperately didn’t want him finding my musings. I even considered deleting the whole thing, but then thought I was being a bit up myself because I haven’t exactly got a cult following.
But, of course, in case you’re as stupid as I am at regonising the warning signs, Date 9 turned out to be Married Guy. He actually had the nerve to tell me we had to stop seeing each other because his wife was coming back from her holiday, like it should have been something I should just accept and it was the most normal thing in the world. Yes, I’d asked if he’d ever been married before (answer: yes, a long time ago).
Naturally I went all psycho bitch and reported his profile, which has now been taken down.
So all this happened a few weeks ago and I’ve been wallowing in my misery, regaining the pounds I’d been going to blog about losing and irrationally hating all men. But now I’ve decided I’m ready to get back on the dating horse. I have a friend who’s willing to go speed dating with me and I’m going to update and reactivate my dating site profiles.
I’m sure I’ll recognise those signs if they ever pop up again, right?
Anyway, thanks all for the messages while I’ve been away and I promise to diligently keep updating from now.