Profile day – a thwarted attempt

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So, this morning I logged on to Big Dating Site, gave myself a username (it is sooo witty and clever, even if I do say so myself) and settled in to the task of creating an amusing, lighthearted profile that would have the fellas deluging me with kisses.  First I decided to take a quick flick through the Top 100 Women in my age group for inspiration.

Wow.  Talk about wanting to gouge your eyes out with your portable USB to make yourself feel better.

Apparently most forty-something women look like models.  I do not look like a model.  I don’t even look like an ex-model.  If I were going to give you a simile for what I look like, it would be somewhere in the realms of a dim sim.

How can these women look like this, with their wrinkle-free skin, svelte figures and shiny white teeth?  Did they not spend their twenties partying?  Did they not spend hours that translated into weeks lying in the sun perfecting their tan?  Did they not smoke?  Everyone of our generation smoked.

Freaks.

My guess is that I’m not going to make the Top 100 any time soon.

My other guess is that I’m going to need a whole lot of help in filling out my profile.  So many questions with nuanced answers, so many areas to fill out that will show the world how worldly, sexy, witty and sophisticated I am.  Apparently it’s also mandatory that I be a down to earth gal who’s just as comfortable camping as at a black tie affair.

It’s not immediately clear where a slightly misanthropic dim sim-shaped cynic fits in here.

Gulp.  I need to bring in my best mate Kate.

Now let me tell you a bit about my best mate Kate.

She is one of those women that have always, ALWAYS had men buzzing around her.  She’s gorgeous and really nice.  She’s also a Rules Girl, though she claims she’s never actually read The Rules.  She’s like a natural Rules Girl.

If you haven’t been under a rock for the last decade or so, you probably know that The Rules is the name of a book that gives you the rules by which you are more or less guaranteed to snag yourself a man.

Although I have to admit they seem to work (yeah I tried them a long time ago) it’s kind of exhausting keeping up the gameplaying.  I also found myself feeling oddly disdainful of the men who so easily fell for them.  So, my advice is, ladies if you are just looking to nab yourself a man, The Rules work, but if you want a man who wants you for who you are, then they are pretty pox unless, like my mate Kate, you are naturally a Rules Girl.

But I digress.

Kate is coming over tonight to assist me with my profile tonight, so it should be ready to go live before tomorrow morning.

I wish me luck (seeing as I haven’t got any readers yet – I really didn’t think through this whole maintaining anonymity thing)

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11 responses »

  1. Hi Patty
    Please don’t revel in your obesity. It’s life shortening and plain hard work being fat. Do something about it ie. eat less, exercise more. You may even find you start looking like those 40-something supermodels in the dating site.
    Good luck with the dating site. Somehow I think you’re right treating it as an experiment (you are, aren’t you?).

  2. I can’t wait to read your adventures. I’ve had a crack at the internet dating arena with amusing results. I’m 6ft so I filter out the shorter men and you’re so right about the men adding centimentres to their height. I am a giant so when I say, “Dude, you’re not 6ft,” they tend to add centimetres to my height too. “Am too, you must be 6’4”.

    I think for literary novelty purposes, you need a truthful profile and a complete BS profile just to get a good mix of dates and have one as a friendly like and the other as a bit more cynical.

  3. I like the premise! sounds like an online dating version of Julie and Julia!
    Best of luck…I like the way you write, your honest, self-deprecating tone is much more palatable than the likes of sam in the city, she sounds like she’s pretending to be ‘average’, bemoaning the lack of quality men in an effort to empathise with her readers…when in reality she’s probably inundated with attention all the time.

  4. Good luck and most of all enjoy the ride!

    P.S. pretty sure those 40-something model look-a-likes are not real, a bit of photoshop works wonders

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