So, this morning I logged on to Big Dating Site, gave myself a username (it is sooo witty and clever, even if I do say so myself) and settled in to the task of creating an amusing, lighthearted profile that would have the fellas deluging me with kisses. First I decided to take a quick flick through the Top 100 Women in my age group for inspiration.
Wow. Talk about wanting to gouge your eyes out with your portable USB to make yourself feel better.
Apparently most forty-something women look like models. I do not look like a model. I don’t even look like an ex-model. If I were going to give you a simile for what I look like, it would be somewhere in the realms of a dim sim.
How can these women look like this, with their wrinkle-free skin, svelte figures and shiny white teeth? Did they not spend their twenties partying? Did they not spend hours that translated into weeks lying in the sun perfecting their tan? Did they not smoke? Everyone of our generation smoked.
My guess is that I’m not going to make the Top 100 any time soon.
My other guess is that I’m going to need a whole lot of help in filling out my profile. So many questions with nuanced answers, so many areas to fill out that will show the world how worldly, sexy, witty and sophisticated I am. Apparently it’s also mandatory that I be a down to earth gal who’s just as comfortable camping as at a black tie affair.
It’s not immediately clear where a slightly misanthropic dim sim-shaped cynic fits in here.
Gulp. I need to bring in my best mate Kate.
Now let me tell you a bit about my best mate Kate.
She is one of those women that have always, ALWAYS had men buzzing around her. She’s gorgeous and really nice. She’s also a Rules Girl, though she claims she’s never actually read The Rules. She’s like a natural Rules Girl.
If you haven’t been under a rock for the last decade or so, you probably know that The Rules is the name of a book that gives you the rules by which you are more or less guaranteed to snag yourself a man.
Although I have to admit they seem to work (yeah I tried them a long time ago) it’s kind of exhausting keeping up the gameplaying. I also found myself feeling oddly disdainful of the men who so easily fell for them. So, my advice is, ladies if you are just looking to nab yourself a man, The Rules work, but if you want a man who wants you for who you are, then they are pretty pox unless, like my mate Kate, you are naturally a Rules Girl.
But I digress.
Kate is coming over tonight to assist me with my profile tonight, so it should be ready to go live before tomorrow morning.
I wish me luck (seeing as I haven’t got any readers yet – I really didn’t think through this whole maintaining anonymity thing)