Date 3 – Inappropriate Questions Man


Last night was almost the date-to-make-me-throw-it-all-in.  A good sleep later and I can laugh about it, and now I plan to keep laughing about it all weekend.  Which may seem a bit odd to anyone in my presence when I suddenly let out a maniacal chuckle for no apparent reason, but whatever.

We’ll call him Chucky.  Actually, there’s another word starting with ‘C’ I’d rather call him, but I rated this blog PG, so I won’t.

First of all, there is no way in hell this guy is under 60 (age listed as 45) and that’s being generous.  And he’s wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt.  Now, I try not to have too many prejudices, but as soon as I see an Ed Hardy t-shirt, I think “wanker”.  When I see an Ed Hardy t-shirt on a 60-years+ potential date, I think “run”.

Oh why, oh why, oh why did I not obey that little inner voice of mine?  Why did I do the polite thing and sit down?  Running – even the uncoordinated jiggly-wobbly run that I do – would have been the far more dignified course of action.

We went through some vague pleasantries, though everything about this guy was repulsing me to the point my body was having actual physical responses to him.  But we ordered a drink, so I really had to soldier on and I owed it to him to give him a chance until we at least finished a glass of wine.

“So when was your last relationship?” he asked.  I didn’t particularly want to share too much with some guy I’d known for less than a minute, so I muttered something about it ending about 18 months ago.

“So, just short term things for sex since then?  Do you have lots of one night stands?”

“Excuse me?” I asked, more than a little startled.

“So do you have a healthy sex drive?”

“What?” I felt rooted to my chair.  And I really didn’t want to be thinking about the word ‘root’ right now while looking at this repulsive gnome.

“I have a very high sex drive and it’s important that my partner is the same.  What position do you like best?”

“Are you seriously asking me this when we’ve known each other five minutes?”

“Quite often bigger girls like doggy style best because it actually makes their bottoms look smaller.  Do you like doggy style?”

At this I let rip at the guy, which went something like: “You f_____ing foul little toad.   You grotesque, repulsive little troll.  F____ off back to whatever hole you crawled from you perverted, mini-dicked turd and don’t ever contact me again.  And by the way, Ed Hardy on a geriatric looks ridiculous.”  This had virtually every other table turning to stare at us.  The place was crowded and when I tried to stand up my chair hit the chair of the person behind me and I nearly fell flat on my face in my efforts to get out.  I struggled for what seemed like five minutes trying to extricate myself from the table and fled.

I think I heard the word “cocktease” shouted out behind me, but I didn’t look back.


24 responses »

  1. Don’t give up Patty! I feel your pain and love your blog. You are an inspiration, particularly seeing that you let rip at this creep. Many woman would have stayed in due to “politeness”. You rock. Don’t stop 🙂

  2. Patty, that sounds terrible. Did he use the word “sensuous” anywhere in his profile? I think this is a giveaway for those men that are just all about sex.
    You have to wonder whether this guys MO ever reaps success.
    All the best.

  3. I went on two dates with this one guy and he kept pushing me to be physical. I didn’t want to, of course, because he drank too much Guinness and smelled like a freshly used toilet in a men’s room. After date #2, which I was clearly crazy for going on, I locked myself in the house and thanked God I never had to go out with him again.

    Two weeks later, after no contact, I get a text: “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Our relationship just doesn’t have the level of passion I’ve always dreamed of in the perfect woman.”

    There were no words.


  4. Oh Patty … you poor thing. There are guys like that everywhere. I went on a date with a guy once and he told me (during a makeout session – my bad for making out with him too early in the piece!) that he liked ‘talking dirty’. Turns out his idea of ‘talking dirty’ was NOT the same as mine, based on the torrent of foul, verbal abuse that poured out of his mouth over the next 30 seconds, which include calling me a sl** and a wh**re and pulling my hair. Some people just don’t have any concept of good bedroom manners – like gauging how comfortable the other person is before you start laying out all your pervert fantasies! Having said all that though, it’s better that these guys let the crazy out early on so you don’t waste any more time getting to know them!

  5. This is not excusable (it displays a stunning lack of social manners) but these types of men are quite common unfortunately, and they usually emanate from being freshly divorced from a long-term, sexless marriage where they ‘got none’ and ‘da;’ b*#tch took all ma’ money!’ So for them, they go straight for the jugular next time (not realising how startling it is, to the recipient) insisting on someboy for whom sex is No. 1# important. Many men value this highly, yet fail to realise that these dating sites are not a sex service. They need to put in the work around getting to know the woman and the intimate relationship that would ensue as a result. But they cut this ‘crap’ out and just try this stuff instead. They sit at home, key in a few words, and wait for the fornication to follow. In their dreams! There are women that you pay for this kind of transactional service. If it makes you feel better, I went on a great date a few months ago, we got along really well, chemistry, great conversation etc. He asked me to dinner, then I never heard from him again, until last week. I got an unexpected email out of the blue, asking me for a threesome. Sent at 4.0 am in the morning. Yeah right!

  6. To bad you did not think to toss the glass of wine in his face Patty, he sure as hell had it coming. Good for you for not tolerating that crap! We got your back Patty!

    • I’ve often thought I’d love to do something dramatic like that, but somehow I don’t think the reaction would be quite like the movies! And thank you very much for the lovely blog you made about me – I’m truly honoured 🙂

  7. OK i gotta ask, did he have a profile picture on this thing? Did he even remotely resemble the pic? maybe you could do a little phone conversation with your prospectives before agreeing to a date, might weed out some of the nasties seeing as they all seem to have become turds in less than 5 minutes! What a creep, I gotta give it to you for keeping your composure pretty well there, a dramatic exit is just oh-so-tempting in a situation like that

    • I’m not a big one for the phone at the best of times, and the thought of talking to half a dozen strangers at a time fills me with dread. It would have, admittedly, weeded today’s one out though. More on that later…

  8. Oh wow! That’s all I’ve got. Wow… no. I’ve also go eeew.

    I love how you write. I have a total girl crush Patty. If I had a wing wang I’d have a crack.

    Keep ’em coming.


  9. Oh God Patty that’s hilarious in a creepy way. I guess you learnt a lesson: don’t ever ignore your instinct – yes an Ed Hardy T-Shirt on a 60 year old (or anyone really) screams run away. I’m sure after a few more dates you’ll get a first-class d*head sensor and be able to filter out these old perves before the date. Anyway, good on you for getting back on the horse (figuratively speaking)…statistics wise you’re going to hit paydirt with a guy at some point. For godsake, BE CAREFUL in between ie. meet at public places, all that stuff I’m sure they tell you to do on those sites.

    If you want to get really experimental with these sites, why not try a few dates where you pre-empt the freakiness? Here’s an example: dress in footy-shorts and a sarong, use a whole can of Norsca deodorant and turn up at the date venue with only half your face made up. When you meet the guy, talk about how much you like pussy and bore them with stories of cats and your most recent trips to the vet. Order a corona with a potato chip stuffed in the neck of the bottle, and BYO a pack of clinker lollies which you can share with your date.Then get back to this blog pronto and let us know how it went.

    Looking forward to the next installment!

  10. What a trooper you are! lf there’s one rule I live by, it is if you wear Ed Hardy on any part of your body then computer says ‘No’.

    I’m waiting for a Mr Darcy-esque middle-aged divorcé to come into the picture….

  11. Patty – if your examples indicate the state of the dating pool for a woman over 40 in in Australia, then I think I’d better start preparing to emigrate TODAY!
    Congratulations on your forthrightness and humour and may you find what you are seeking.xx

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