So, lunchtime date yesterday. I didn’t really think that I’d click with this guy, but as my top three choices had been such disasters, I figured maybe my radar was a bit off and I should expand my horizons a bit.
His profile showed a guy who likes to wear hats in his photos, stated to be 5’7”. (As an aside, I’m beginning to notice a pattern here – it seems that the less vertically-able men are as much maligned as those of us who enjoy our pastas and curries a bit too much).
A bald guy about 5’5-and-a-half” turned up, which I was totally expecting. See how quick I catch on?
“Pleased to meet you, I am,” he said with what I thought must be a dyslexic smile.
I felt absolutely no attraction whatsoever to this guy, but I still had hope of being blown away by the wit and charm that was not at all evident in his profile.
“Eaten, you have?” he asked me. I say ‘asked me’ like I immediately knew it was a question, but it actually took me a while to work that out.
“Oh, yes, just a coffee please.”
He seemed a pleasant enough fellow and smiled a lot, which was a nice change, but conversation was a struggle, so in desperation I went our online dating experiences (I say desperation because my mate Kate says that’s a no-go subject. I dunno, we’re supposed to pretend.
“I’m quite new to this,” I said. “It’s very daunting.”
“So true, that is. But pretty you are. Popular you must be.”
It finally dawned on me that this guy wasn’t just doing a cute icebreaker thing, he actually thought he was Yoda. He spoke like this a lot, sometimes even employing a croaky Yoda-voice. It made conversation bloody difficult. And he didn’t seem to be doing it as some sort of cute joke, like Michael and Holly from The Office. I got the impression he talks like that all the time.
After our coffee, when it was gone 2 o’clock and I was justified in saying I had to get back to work (even though that was a fib as I had a day off and because I was feeling good about myself I was going bikini shopping – but that’s another story. Traumatic. I hear the burqa-look is in for plain plump spinsters this year), he said “See you again, I shall?”
“Not compatible, we are,” I said.*
So this was the most pleasant date so far, but there was no click, conversation was near impossible and I just flat out didn’t fancy the guy. There’s no point in trying to make something happen when it’s clear it’s not going to.
No dates lined up this weekend – already have plans with friends. But I do still have several fellas in my inbox that I’ll get back to and hopefully have more dates next week.
I’m also going to check out the speed dating thing someone suggested. Anyone got any experience with that?
*okay, total lie. That’s just what I should have said.