Date 5 – Bitter Man

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So again I haven’t updated and the reason for that is I’ve been busy dating!

All fired up from last weekend, I bravely responded to about half the guys left in my inbox.  A veritable flurry of email communication followed and dates were set up.

The first was an after-work drink date with a guy whose profile described him as ‘adventurous and a real man.’  The bellringer for those warning bells must’ve been taking a sickie I guess.

I arrived to find a rather pissed-off looking guy, somewhat rotund and tapping his fingers on the table.  Let’s call him Ernest.  I really want to give him a lame-sounding name (deepest apologies to any non-lame Ernests out there).

“Typical woman being late,” he greeted me in that faux ‘I’m joking but not really’ way people do.

It was two minutes past our agreed meeting time, but nevertheless I apologised with a nice smile on my face.  I ordered a glass of wine and as soon as the waiter left, Ernie said, “I’m not going to pay for your drink you know.”

Hmmm.  I’m thinking I might skull that wine when it gets here.  “I totally expected we’d split the bill,” I told him.

“Sure you did,” he responded.  “That’s the problem with women in this city.  All they have to do is sit back and wait for the guys to come to them and buy them drinks just by showing a bit of tit.”  I tried to surreptitiously hoik my top up a bit but wound up just exposing my belly in what I can only imagine looked like some sort of perverted come-on.  “You’re all such princesses, clicking your fingers and thinking the guys will come running.”

Being lumped in with the ‘princesses’ surprised me a little, but I suppose I have been told I bear a passing resemblance to Princess Fiona in Shrek, so maybe that’s what he meant.

“That’s not exactly true,” I told him.  “It’s really hard for women my age to meet men.  That’s why I’m internet dating.”

“Bull.  You could just walk into any bar right now and say you want sex and some guy will be willing to do it with you.”

“Yes, but that’s not what I want.  It would be degrading.”

“What, so you’re too good for those guys?  See.  All women are stuck up bitches.”

When that glass of wine came, I threw it down in record time, making me do that little throw-up-in-your-throat thing.  Maybe I should have let it be the throw-up-all-over-the-bitterman thing, but I do try to be a lady.

I threw a ten-buck note at him and told him I had to leave.  “Yeah, yeah, you think you’re too good for me, probably got five more suckers to go to tonight.”

I raced out of there before he figured out I’d ordered a $15 glass of wine.  Ah, small victories.

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36 responses »

    • Obviously there was more to the conversation than that – some of it bordering on normal date talk. But these little gems sort of overtook the rest of the conversation.

      I’m not sure he realises how much he’s jinxing himself. Maybe I should’ve given him a little lesson

  1. I’ve been getting similar conversations from blokes as well whenever I go on dates! What is about men and this need to just rock up and pull someone for sex? they just don’t realise that even if we were able to just find a warm body for the night, it doesnt mean that we want that.

    He is major bitter. don’t let him get you down.

  2. Wow, the dates are getting worse! I can’t believe there are guys who would carry on like this on a date. It simply wouldn’t occur to me to talk to a woman like that. Just a hypothetical, but if you were on a date with me I know it would be far more pleasant than what you’ve had so far. Whether we would click or not is another thing as I am a bit of a geek. (However I don’t talk like Yoda!)
    Also I think a guy should at least offer to pay for the first drink, if the lady declines then that’s fine but come on guys, at least offer!

  3. OMG, he sounds like someone we know and love (not) from the SMH blog! YAY to small victories, seriously you could charge some fees for counselling since you had to sit there and listen to his diatribe. No wonder he is single.

    Have to say, inappropriate questions is still my favourite, not sure what could top that.

  4. Patty, you’re so brave. As you know, I’ve completely given up on finding love here-and-now, but I think you’re wonderful for persevering.

    And I have a funny feeling you’ll meet your beau via this blog – ironically – so keep writing. Plenty of admirers already.

  5. Inspired by your efforts, I’ve been having a crack at flirting of late. It’s tragic and I believe I may have a gift for being the most deficient flirt on the planet. I accidentally sent a brave and cheeky text full of inuendo to the the wrong recipient. The lady who bought my fridge off ebay was a little amused by it.

  6. I also believe Nerdy Guy was hitting on you, so (to NG) c’mon mate, you already introduced yourself, time to ask her out Σ8-)

    • Haha, the poor guy’s probably petrified of ever posting again (please post again Nerdy Guy!) Maybe if the whole ‘net dating thing doesn’t work, but at the moment I want to keep my anonymity 🙂 It makes it easier to write this stuff.

  7. rI surely have had my share of loosers as well Patty, but sounds like you need a different dating site if there have been only bad dates so far, and I agree with the other poster, sounds like you have a suiter in nerdy guy, do not give up….we have your back!!!

  8. Congrats for getting out of there quickly, and ripping the t*rd off too! It astounds me there a guys like that clown out there…I must live in some kind of bubble or something, but that level of dickheadedness is something I haven’t come across since encountering one or two at uni years ago.

    Anyway Patty please be careful with this dating thing. If you’re meeting misogynistic borderline personality freaks like Earnest, god knows what else is out there. Don’t forget to keep the ‘speed’ in this dating caper…the power of pissing off fast is very underrated. As soon as your dickhead-meter registers a +1, get the hell out of there, and f*ck decorum. I find the easiest way is to say you’re going to the toilet, and just leave there and then. It’s hilariously humiliating for the dickhead too, because they don’t even get to tell you they’re not into you!

    Speaking of internet dating types, have you come across the ‘sensitive’ dater yet? You know, the guy with social deficiencies who attempts to make up for his general bad-blokedness by attempting ‘tell chicks what they want’ ie. totally overdoing the emo-talk. I came into indirect contact with one of these idiots once who dated a family friend, and he was insufferably fascinating. I definitely think this kind of guy is a subspecies, which leads me to another point which could make you millions. Document your dates, categories them into types, and put it in a book. It will be f*ing hilarious – I mean even the stories from your first few dates are full of sneaky insights, and a couple of crackup situations. Just a thought.

    Ps. That nerdy Byron guy sounds weird. He’s got the humble-me packaged down pat too well, and that sort of well-honed schtick usually hides a closet freak, or a dysfunctional nutjob. Sorry to be a cynic, but self-professed nerds with photos on their public profile usually spell disaster. I mean I know we’re all god’s children, and everyone’s a beautiful person in their own way, but the posting is just a little contrived (see emo-talk species above).

    • Wow, Pete, your post is about as long as mine! Which is all kinds of awesome, please keep it up. I’m not sensitive to size issues.

      Yeah, I know the kind of guy you are talking about and I feel kind of sorry for them, because they generally come across as a bit wet and they are simply not the kind of guy the vast majority of women want. But I can’t blame them for being confused when so many women claim they want ‘sensitive nice’ guys.

      The ones who use the ‘sensitive’ angle as an attempt to bed a woman: mega fail.

    • Pete, you’ve got me there. I am weird! I am perhaps a bit oversensitive and some people are freaked out a bit by this. Sometimes I am told so and sometimes just get that feeling “I’ve done it again!” I guess I just prefer to talk about the deeper things and don’t really do well the small talk that most normal people are into. It does make forming friendships and relationships a bit harder for me but I’d rather have one or two very close friends than a whole bunch of acquaintances I don’t really know. I have had a few long term relationships too, so I must have something going for me. Then again, each of those girls was a bit left of centre or alternative in some way. Never dated a “normal” girl before!
      Well meaning people have told me various things like I should man up, take a concrete pill, develop in interest in sports (it’s always other guys who suggest that one!), try to fit in more, don’t be so deeply interested/obsessed in technology etc. Funnily enough, the people who suggested that last one always come to me first when their iPhones are playing up!

      So I am what I am and I’ve long passed the age where I care what people think of me. If someone likes me, then great, if not then no big deal.

      Peace man! 🙂

  9. Miss T, that just gave me a flashback moment. That’s what some kids used to say when the school bullies were picking on me for being such a nerd! I can laugh about that now, ends up my tormentors didn’t end up doing quite so well in life…

  10. wow. I dated someone like this once.. though we went out for about four weeks before he started making these kind of comments. The first time he said something along these lines, I thought I’d misunderstood him, but no, he clarified things for me over the new few days.
    He got really nasty when I ended it, too. Apparently nice guys like him always finish last, and its women like me who drive them to bastardry.

    I think your nerdy guy sounds quite nice.. technology over sports! but… does he play D&D, and if he goes to comic con, or if he is a member of the society for creative anachronism… does he look good in tights?
    Maybe you should do a post about you, your favourite books and movies? your favourite weekend way to unwind? your renovations? and see if anything strikes a chord with your male readership!

  11. Princess Fiona? Red hair….ggggggrrrrrrrrrr! I’m married to a red head – keeps life interesting! (sigh) 🙂

    Seriously though, the guy in your post sounded like a prick. Not all blokes are like that.

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