I found LOVE! Oh… hang on a minute


Sorry all for not updating for so long, but I do have an excuse.

There were a couple of dates so nondescript that I’ve pretty much forgotten them and so won’t be blogging them.  So lets skip dates 7 and 8.

So, Date No 9.. let’s call him Fucknarsewipeguttertrawlingpigman (I knew there was a reason I didn’t use an “F” name on Date No.6) was fantastic.  He looked like his profile pics (which I needed a password to see), he was someone I found attractive, but not everyone would, he was funny, attentive, disarmingly not perfect.  So I figured he was perfect.

Therefore, I wrote him off as Not Possibly Interested In Me.  By that I mean I went home desperately trying not to hope he would call, assuming he wouldn’t and urgently trying not to think about him whilst all the time sneakily thinking about him when I thought I wouldn’t notice.

An agonising three days later he rang and suggested we go out to dinner.  He picked a restaurant about a zillion miles away from where I live.  It was a cute little place, but I wouldn’t have picked it as worth driving 40 minutes for.  The date was though and four hours later, toey as hell, I heard Kate’s copy of The Rules exploding as I agreed to a private nightcap.  I was a wee bit surprised when he suggested my place, being so far away, but he said his place was no closer so why he picked that restaurant was a mystery.

Anyway, I’m not going to give you any gory details, but suffice to say I let his snake run amok in my ladygarden that night and then just about every night for the next couple of weeks.  Always at my place.  And a couple of times he had to cancel suddenly.  But the laughs we had when we were together were just fabulous.

See all those flashing neon warning signs up above?  You’d have to be some sort of moron to miss them right?  Meet Patty the Plain Plump Moron.

There’s a good reason I’ve been ignoring the blog for the last six weeks or so.  I thought I’d found someone and desperately didn’t want him finding my musings.  I even considered deleting the whole thing, but then thought I was being a bit up myself because I haven’t exactly got a cult following.

But, of course, in case you’re as stupid as I am at regonising the warning signs, Date 9 turned out to be Married Guy.  He actually had the nerve to tell me we had to stop seeing each other because his wife was coming back from her holiday, like it should have been something I should just accept and it was the most normal thing in the world.  Yes, I’d asked if he’d ever been married before (answer: yes, a long time ago).

Naturally I went all psycho bitch and reported his profile, which has now been taken down.

So all this happened a few weeks ago and I’ve been wallowing in my misery, regaining the pounds I’d been going to blog about losing and irrationally hating all men.  But now I’ve decided I’m ready to get back on the dating horse.  I have a friend who’s willing to go speed dating with me and I’m going to update and reactivate my dating site profiles.

I’m sure I’ll recognise those signs if they ever pop up again, right?

Anyway, thanks all for the messages while I’ve been away and I promise to diligently keep updating from now.




20 responses »

  1. Oh dear………I feel for you Patty. Those guys are everywhere – particularly on the net. Makes me think I may actually be lucky not to be married……..cos it’s likely he’d be one of those.

    As you say – get back in the game…………a bit wiser this time.

  2. You DO have a cult following. It may be a rather exclusive cult at present, but we devotees will not allow you to be quite so dismissive of our adoration.
    I am so glad you are back in blog-land, just not pleased that you had to go through such unpleasantness.
    Get back out there….and next time, no romping until at least date 3, ok?

  3. Ohh, so here we are, all pining for you, whereas you would freely abort us at the drop of a hat? Oh Patty, how could you?! So by that logic, we would never want you to fall in love again (albeit even harriedly with mr. marriedly) as you would abandon us, why, Patty, just like a pair of dirty socks. Just like the Captain of the Costa Concordia! Hmmph! Girl, may you have many more bad dates to come. 🙂

    Speaking of dirty though, Mr. F was a bit, wasn’t he? I hope that the first you heard of his being betrothed, WASN’T when he mentioned his wife was back? Surely? Alas, star-struck one, you’ve recuperated well, and to be honest, your eagerness to get frisky, was probably a built-up allergic reaction to the toxic mites that you endured before him. Then you got bitten by a spider.

    Glad to have you back. Fang marks et. al. Honestly, I REALLY had you pegged for death by spray tan poisoning. 🙂

  4. Oh no that’s awful, I’ve not experienced anything like that but I can imagine it is such a let down. Your perfect man is however out there so continue on with your search with new vigour! =)

  5. Yikes!!! I did suspect that your absence might have been because you found someone but wasn’t expecting this! Live and learn I guess, was good that you were at least able to get his profile pulled for a little revenge. No wonder he had his profile pics password protected!

    Hopefully his poor wife will find out what a pig he really is, kick him to the kerb and make sure that was the most expensive sex he’s ever had! lol

    I’m glad you’re getting back into it now and got over the hating all men thing, there are many of us guys who are the real deal. This experience should have your bullshit meter a little sharper to help you weed out the likes of Mr F. in the future!

    Best of luck Patty and great to have you back 🙂

  6. They’re everywhere you say? EVERYWHERE? I have to not believe that or I’ll crawl back into my comfortable old Plain Plump Single Hole and never come out again.

    Nerdy Guy, I hope you’ll let us know some of your online dating experiences from the bloke side of things…

    Jessica, I promise if I decide to dump the blog again, I’ll let everybody know up front next time!

    • Happy to oblige Patty, although there’s not too much to tell at this stage as my profile only went up on new year’s eve.

      I did have my first date the other week and that went ok. No sparks but it was enjoyable enough and went for two hours, so neither one of us was making excuses to make for the door!

      I’ve been swapping a few somewhat lengthy emails with another girl for the last few days and she seems really nice, at first I thought she may have actually been you but I’m pretty sure it isn’t! lol Anyway, I’m looking forward to hopefully meeting her soon and seeing what happens.

      I am amazed at the overuse of cliches in dating profiles, so many profiles state that they are “looking for my partner in crime” I seriously think that cliche needs to be taken out the back, put up against the wall, shot, hung, drawn and quartered and then crucified just for good measure! But that’s just my opinion 🙂

  7. How would he find your blog when Patty isn’t your real name? Even if it were, googling on Patty isn’t going to turn up this blog. Don’t want to rain on your parade but the web is _very big_. I was beginning to think this was a fake blog and the faker had grown bored with the game. So even though I’m sorry to hear you got played, it’s nice to know at least you’re genuine (unlike Mr F).


  8. Hi Patty,
    I just read all your blogs today.
    Very Funny!
    My tip – try one of those dinners for singles.
    Lots of fun and no pressure, plus I got a good result out of it with so far a 5 year relationship.

  9. Patty can i suggest you confide in a trusted male friend some details of your dates. Be very honest. He may be able to give you the male translation of what his actions actually mean.
    I have a good female friend i do this with. It can be very helpful.

  10. Patty – we have missed you. I know it isn’t much, but we all are cheering you on. I like to think that we just have to deal with the douches to really appreciate the great guys when they come along…

    • And I know I keep saying this….but really, getting out there giving it a go is so much better than not doing so. regret what we do, not what we dont.

  11. Awwwww Patty welcome back!!!!! You do you do you do have a cult following, i’ve been missing you terribly!

    I just found myself on the ‘wife’ side of the exact situation, let me tell you, it isn’t much fun from the other side either.

    Can I come speed dating too?

  12. i am so sorry to hear that, but at least you gave it a go and hopefully did have some fun. Try to take away the positive…sigh….

  13. Patty you know – I made exactly this mistake when I was about 25 (about 15 years ago)…..before the hotel – I said “so have you ever been married?” – he said – yes. In the morning – a lightening bolt hit me – and I said “are you married NOW?” – again he said yes…….

    These men – we must be very specific in our questioning it seems. Afterall – the man referred to above – did not lie. Technically……….

    Looking forward to hearing about the speed dating………

  14. ” I let his snake run amok in my ladygarden that night and then just about every night for the next couple of weeks” OMGGG I am dying here! LMAO!!!!

      • She has a gift for visual metaphors. Bless your cotton socks Patty, we’ve missed you and now we all have a touching visual to work with too.

  15. I wondered where your blog went as I had not seen anythign new, I hope you do not let that married guy ruin your amazing spirit, now get back out there and yes a bit wiser this time!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s