My name is Patty* and I am plain, plump, middle-aged and unmarried.  I have had several long term relationships that have left me with no major scars and plenty of memories.  I work in an admin role in the higher education sector in a job I neither like nor dislike.  I live with my cat, Irony**, in an inner city happening suburb and have the normal number of friends.

I recently decided I should try internet dating for the first time. Not that I really want to get married, more like a new hobby.

Then I thought maybe I should blog about it.  Because all the blogs I see out there are totally ‘Sam in the City’ stuff – you know, the ones that whine about the lack of availability of ‘good men’ by 20-something women who look like freakin’ models.  They make these complaints while going through a dozen twenty-dollar cocktails, each bought by a different guy who doesn’t stack up for whatever reason.

You’ve gotta wonder what chance that leaves for us plain plump middle-aged types who actually buy our own drinks, huh?  Well, fear not, gentle reader.  Patty the Plain Plump Spinster will let you know what’s out there for us.

I’m kind of new to this world of blogging thing, so have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m thinking I’ll try not to reveal things that will identify me or my (hopefully happening) dates.

Anyway, dear readers (of which there are none of you yet *waves*) tomorrow is make-a-profile day.  I’ll let you know how it goes.



* disclaimer: actually, it’s not – I just did that for alliterative effect

** okay, and that’s not his name (see, I’m already learning the little tricks to not reveal too much about yourself) but it totally would’ve been if I’d thought of it at the time I got him


71 responses »

  1. I came across your blog after reading your comment on the Ask Sam blog.. Already you sound like an amazing person. I hope everything works out well for you!

  2. Hello there, I am looking forward to reading your blogs and sharing my own internet dating experience. Somehow you have given me an idea…. Thanks.

  3. Hello Triple-PS,

    Nice blog. I’m really interested to hear how you go.

    I’m a recently plump 40 year old. I’ve had a rough time since January and packed on some pounds. I’m not a great beauty, but I’ve never felt as invisible to men as I do now. Can’t decide if I like invisibility or not. . . .

    I’m now working out for health reasons. So I’ll let you know how I go once I’ve lost the weight. I feel like I’m a test case to determine if it’s weight or age that was the man deterrent.

    And, I much prefer the other Sam’s “All Men Are Liars” column.

    Hope you have lots of fun dates!

  4. Hey Patty

    I admire your honesty, integrity and humour. I like you already. You sound lovely – the world needs more people like you. I look forward to hearing lots more about you.

  5. Ha, this is hilarious! I am a SATC (retired) blogger and was drawn by your ultimate nemesis to the blog. I love your writing style and very humorous yet caustic wit – it’s very engaging (and refreshing) to hear the TRUTH. I am 40+ yet attractive – yet let me tell you, on paper that ‘4’ all of a sudden means a big deal. Odd thing is, in person, it doesn’t stop them zilch (have to beat them off with sticks) yet online, you’re right, it’s hard to even get past their phobias let alone into their jocks, despite even being easy on the eye, a respectable BMI and having interests other than capturing a walking ATM or breeding babies. I will be reading this blog.

  6. Well I would like to go on a date with each of Jessica Rabbit and PlainPlumpSpinster sometime! Both of you have a wonderful way with words…Words are very sexy…

  7. Hi “Patty”, if that is indeed your realfake name,

    I stumbled across your blog after reading one of those terrible Sam in the City columns.

    You’re much much funnier.Actually, you’re hilarious! keep it up, have fun, all the best.

  8. Better to take this action with you are in your forties rather than your fifties! I just had a 76 year-old send me a kiss. He looked to be in interesting character but I do want someone who can keep up with me. Best of luck on your journey.

  9. Ah Sven, you are from heaven, thanks but I wouldn’t want to steal Patty the Plump Spinster’s thunder! But I’d love to hear about a Sven-Patty concoction and all the details posted herewith…stayed tuned folks?

  10. I stumbled across your blog by accident and I’m already fascinated! I laughed out loud at the obese sweaty frequent-flyer and the man who was looking for a bigger girl! Several of my friends have done online dating (I’ve yet to take the plunge) and they’ve certainly collected some interesting stories…..
    I can’t WAIT to read the next installment! 🙂

    • Thanks anna84! Sometimes it is *extremely* hard to laugh at the time, but you just need to train yourself to make humiliation and excruciating times into a good dinner party story! I do hope I can keep it up. x

  11. I so love this……..I’m also a PPS although I refer to myself as “fat, forty and frumpy”. The 3F’s. I have also tried this internet dating malarky and so far I think you win with date #2……but only just. Oh I could share some horror stories girlfriend………..I’ve given up on it all. I’m just going to stalk bloggers on the net for fun in future……can’t wait to read the updates though….and good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for and don’t have to kiss too many frogs.

    • Part of me desperately wants you to share those stories and the other part of me thinks if I hear too many more horror stories I’m going to throw my hands up and pack it in. Wait until you hear about tonight’s date. I’m writing up the blog now, but I’m too livid to make it funny 😦

  12. Patty, i found your blog through Ask Sam too, Your writing i very good! I went to see Samantha and Sam DeBrito last night at IVY they did dating advice seminar thing.
    I am not sure if it’s an age thing (i am 49, female and single) but i was quite alarmed at the advice given.
    They told women to become “interesting”, to get interested in male hobbies , to read intellectual books so they have conversation, to fake a full and interesting life if they don’t have one and hide the fact that they are desperate for a relationship. The rules about when to text/call back and when to be available. Is it really so complicated these days?

    I just don’t understand that. How long can you fake an interest in cricket/footy/golf for the sake of a relationship? Why not just be yourself and find someone who is compatoble instead of being who you think men want.
    Just wondered what your thoughts are on this?

    • Thanks for the very kind words moet blue! I recognise your handle (I’ve been around longer than my alter ego has 😉 ).

      I actually have plenty of *actual* blokey interests – ergo I have lots of male friends. These guys might love me and my company but they don’t want to date me. In fact, I think some of these guys LIKE me more than they like their partners – but when it comes to loving someone, they tend to go for the feminine girly girls. I’m just a mate.

      I’m sure both Sams have a lot more experience than I do, but you have to remember they live in Beautiful People World and might be a little deluded about what it is about them that attracts the opposite sex.

      JMHO. I’m sure they’re both perfectly great people, but they have no idea what it’s like to be invisible.

      • Both Sams may have more experience than you (somehow I doubt it), and unfortunately they have no grip on reality. Sad but true. Sam Brett has had me shouting at my comp rather more than I should……and people with “looks” usually have not much else going for them.

  13. Thanks for your thoughts, I think when the interest is genuine in blokey things it’s great but i have a problem with faking anything!

    Yes i agree , most blokes like partners who are traditionally girly, traditionally pretty and also i think uncomplicated. I have alwasy been lucky with meeting/dating men in my youth, but at this age i have nothing in common with men my age…. I have not dated for 6 years, i just never meet anyone who i feel any compatibility with.

    Anyway, i look forward to reading more about your adventures! 🙂

  14. I found ‘the one’ on a dating site. I’m 40+, cuddly 🙂 etc and she is much the same. I did not experience an overwhelming sense of being desired online that’s for sure. I contacted very few people – because I had pretty strict criteria given my situation – and was either ignored or rejected every time but two, the latter being my soul mate and true love. It took quite a while to find the right person and in then end it happened in an unexpected way. Being Christians it was clear to both of us that there were divine forces at work (and if I had time I would say why) .

    To cut a long, long story short though, I sent my love a message and she accepted. We started chatting that evening and kept on chatting…for 5 hours…then we got on the phone 🙂

    I was in love with her and she with me before we even met – we talked for nearly 40 hours on the phone in the first week alone…looking back I don’t know where we got the stamina to do that from!

    We are like an old married couple now. Not so much as a cross word has passed our lips and we love each other more each day. I never knew I could be so in love.

    I don’t have a lot of advice to give, if you even want some but I will say these two things:

    1. Don’t settle
    2. Only contact people who write profiles that could have been written by you (hope that makes sense)

    Best of luck in your search, God bless.

  15. Love your blog Patty! I can so relate to date #3. I’ve tried the internet dating thing and I’m finding the amount of guys who lie about their age very disheartening. I’m beginning to feel that in order to date someone my own age I’ll have shed at least 15 kgs and get some botox. And these guys all seem to have one foot in the grave and the other on banana peel!

    Good luck and I look forward to reading about your future dates, hopefully it will inspire me to overcome my jaded dating outlook and jump in again.



  16. Hey Patty, just wanted to say, I think you’re awesome! It’s hard for anyone in the dating game and you are brave putting yourself “out there” and in the process, sharing your adventures with us. Can’t wait for the next one. I am married but it’s fun living vicariously through my single friends. Just remember there are happy singles/happy couples and miserable singles/miserable couples. If we rely on someone else for our happiness, they will always disappoint. For some happiness will always be around the corner, IF I only have a partner, IF I only made $100 a year etc. Rant over, just thought I would share some thoughts from my own travels.

    • Thank you so much Krissy! Yes, it’s because I’m in a pretty happy and comfortable time in my life that I have the guts to do this.

      I’ve always chosen to compare myself to those less fortunate than those who have more than me. I’ve seen people who are always striving and they never seem to be happy, no matter how much they have

  17. Hi Patty,

    Not really a blog reader but am enjoying what is here.
    I’m a single male the same age as you and find it interesting to hear how your dates are going.
    Currently i am not doing any online dating but have in the past.
    Have had a couple of long term relationships from it.
    I have found that i go through stages with online dating. It’s fun at times and then you get over it and rather meet people in person.
    Keep it up. You’ve got me hooked now.
    Good luck.

    • Did you have to go through loads of completely unsuitable women, or did you get to choose from several possibles? So far, none have been even remotely suitable for any sort of relationhip – long or short term.

      • I have been lucky in that i met some nice women. I think being totally honest with your profile helps. I met a couple of people that looked nothing like their pictures and was immediately put off. Honesty is the best policy.
        I have a girl mate who tried internet dating. I saw her profile and it was nothing like her. That was only going to end in bad dates.
        I look at internet dating as just another way of meeting people. Go in with no expectations and you won’t be disappointed.
        Try going to an event put on by the dating site. I go to the odd one with a mate or two and they can be fun.
        It is interesting to hear things from the girls side of the fence i must say.

      • I’m not so sure honesty has been the best policy for me… 😉

        Great to hear a GUY’s perspective – most dating blogs tend to be written by women I think. Please feel free to share any stories.

  18. oh my god this is music to my ears!! i thought maybe i was having horrendous luck online …I dust myself down and have another crack every couple of months but to no avail, my stories are not too dissimilar to yours, and always provide comedy tales but that’s not the aim of the game,,its so comforting to know I am not alone in this venture! Thankyou Patty!! …and you sound ace!!

    • And the word ‘ace’ used totally un-ironically is music to mine 😉

      I hope to last quite a distance before I need a break to dust myself down. But even more I hope the next date is The One.

      Best of luck to you amk x

  19. What a hoot!! Love your alliteration and your blog. Great to hear there are some real people out there with some courage to have a go.

    I have to say I havn’t tried internet dating. I feel as if one has to make up too many stories to get a look in. In fact I have ended up meeting loads of interesting people through a local social network group in Melbourne. At the very least we have excellent parties/dinners/movie nights etc and there is always the opportunity to focus on particular people who take your fancy.

    Look forward to seeing how it all goes. I’m certain it will be an interesting ride.

  20. Adding my name to the throngs coming here from Ask Sam, just to say I enjoyed reading your blog, and good luck!! I’ve never been in a situation where I needed to date, having separated from my husband only to accidentally trip over my perfect guy in a backpackers, so it is really cool to get this real perspective of how it works (or doesn’t work) for people. Very well written and humourous!

  21. Wonderful to hear some real people’s stories! I’m in a not so perfect relationship which he wants to make more serious but am so over internet dating. It sucks. But what else is there to do when you’re 50, unfit, unfabulous and there are 3 teenagers in the house? It took me four years to find this one, do you think I should keep looking?

  22. Hi Patty. I’m enjoying your blog. I’m dating a guy I met online. I’m 46 and he’s 49. I’m a bit plump too. I knew after the second date that he was a keeper and we’ve been together ever since, nearly two years. It just felt right from the very beginning unlike my experience with about 7 other guys I’d met online before him. My best story is about the guy I was having dinner with who chatted up the waitress while I visited the bathroom (I didn’t think I took that long) and when I wouldn’t take him home with me he called her for a hook up. He told me all this in a message the next day, berating me for not inviting him to my home (as if I would, I could tell he was a wanker almost instantly). I really learned that I had to trust my instincts, not talk myself into being attracted to someone when I really wasn’t and enjoy being single (I was single for 10 years +). I still spend a lot of time nuturing my relationships with family, friends and work collegues, I’m studying French and one unit at uni, I have my own home etc so the boyfriend is an important part of my life and I love him dearly but I’ll always be able to have a good life if I become single again. Good luck with the dating.

  23. Hi Patty,
    I’m a 25 year old male, and despite not being in your demographic whatsoever, I just thought I’d let you know that I very much enjoy your writing style and humour. It’s quite pleasant to know that despite what I imagine to be vast differences between us, humour can still be a unifying and universal factor.
    Keep up the great blogging and best of luck with your dates (though judging by your recent absence, you don’t need it!).

  24. hey Patty
    i found your blog on all men are liars/ask sam as well. cheers for the smile this evening. us single ladies have got to find the humour in such situations or we’d find ourselves rocking and crying in the corner every night wearing just our underpants.
    all the best 🙂

  25. Hi PPPS,
    Just found your blog today and I love your style :-). Like several other people on here I’ve not tried online dating, but I had dinner with a friend recently and she was regaling us with the disastrous details. The one most vividly remember is the guy who was a SERIOUS body builder and sent her a photo of himself before they met, complete with teeny, tiny bathers, spray tan, and the stereotypical muscle bound pose. Then there was her tennis date… She’s currently seeing a guy she met online though and is very happy, so I hope you have the same luck she has. Mind you, I’m finding your disasters very entertaining reading 😉

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  28. Hello, Saw this blog and was interested. I am an almost (in few days) 43 year old female. Was wondering how your dating life is. Feeling terrible about my chances right now – do you have any advice?

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